Sometimes I get this sense that I am plowing through a collection of dusty, forgotten tomes in a setting that looks just like the archives Gandalf searched through in Minas Tirtith in his attempt to uncover the truth about Bilbo's funny magic ring. I wish I had more time to hang out in the archive and find all the cool stuff there! One thing I was reading recently is an early sermon in the Apostolic Fathers called 2nd Clement. It was preached to the Corinthian church sometime between approx. 100AD and 150AD. Here is just an awesome excerpt from it, it seemed especially applicable in light of the recent studies of the Sermon on the Mount we have been doing in our weekly fellowship...
"Let us be clear-headed regarding the good, for we are full of much stupidity and wickedness. Let us wipe off from ourselves our former sins and be saved, repenting from the very souls of our being. And let us not seek to please men. But let us not desire to please only ourselves with our righteousness, but also those who are outsiders, that the Name may not be blasphemed on our account. For the Lord says, 'My name is continually blasphemed among all the nations,' and again, 'Woe to him on whose account my name is blasphemed.' Why is it blasphemed? Because you do not do what I desire. For when the pagans hear from our mouths the oracles of God, they marvel at their beauty and greatness. But when they discover that our actions are not worthy of the words we speak, they turn from wonder to blasphemy, saying that it is a myth and a delusion. For when they hear from us that God says, 'It is no credit to you if you love those who love you, but it is a credit to you if you love your enemies and those who hate you,' when they hear these thngs, they marvel at such extraordinary goodness. But when they see that we not only do not love those who hate us, but do not even love those who love us, they scornfully laugh at us and the Name is blasphemed."
9.20.2005
9.18.2005
How Not to Pray (Part 1/2)
Hey, it's been forever since I've blogged, sorry. Seriously, if it's getting to be more than a week or two between posts please feel free to email/comment/call/send a telegram to rebuke me for not keeping this up. I really do want to blog more frequently, so go ahead, hold me accountable, I dare you.
Anyways, I was looking for a copy of my testimony on my harddrive just now and I found this list of funny things people do when they are praying (I can't recall where I first found it) and thought it'd be fun to share. Can anyone think of anything additional to add to this list? And seriously, I hope no one stops praying because of this - it's simply that sometimes I wonderhow irritated I would be if someone started talking to me like this: "Lee, you know Lee, I just, Lee, I want to ask you that you might do such and such, Lee, so that, um, Lee."
How NOT to Pray (Part 1/2)
ex.: Lord, we JUST pray that you would JUST like, JUST really JUST totally..."
2. THE GOSSIP: "Lord, please forgive Pam [not present] for her sexual lust towards George [who is present]."
3. THE THEOLOGIAN: Here the person feels led to lecture God on various--usually obvious--points of theology, as if God needed reminding. While the words of such prayers can be valid enough if said in a spirit of praise, THE THEOLOGIAN gives you the distinct impression that he/she is praying to ideas rather than God; or perhaps trying to impress the rest of us.
ex.: "Lord, you are God. You are the Triune, Immutable, Omniscient, Revelatory, the First Principle. You even know what I am going to pray next!... [etc. etc. etc.]"
4. THE OPPORTUNIST: For someone who would never get a word in edgewise in a normal conversation--because what they want to say is inherently boring or unedifying--prayer can be an opportunity to "seize the floor" and speechify at great length without fear of rebuttal or interruption unless something really awful is said; and perhaps not even then, as social convention says it is very rude to interrupt while someone is praying.
ex.: "Lord, I just want to pray for my little bunny. I know nobody here thinks it important, but I just love my bunny because it... [on and on and on]."
5. THE LECTURER: Similar to THE OPPORTUNIST, but here the motive is to harangue someone else--or the group--by sermonizing in general. Also known as THE SERMON PRAYER:
ex.: "O God, forgive those among us who do not understand the need to... [fill in the blanks]."
ex.: "Lord, forgive the congregation for their continued failure to tithe. For 'The tithe is the Lord's', and 'Test me in this' saith the Lord... [and on and on]"
6. CALLING DOWN FIRE: To rant or vituperate in a prayer. Basically, to ask God to send down a lightning bolt of judgment. (Often aimed at ungodly politicians.) Such prayers seem to beg for the response: "You do not know what Spirit you are of". (Lk 9:55, Mt 5:11-12)
ex.: "Lord, that lady who gestured rudely to me in my car today, I pray that you would slap her silly with your scorching judgment. Teach her not to treat your children that way, with a scathing rebuke from on high. Amen."
Ok, I had to edit this post because IE was doing something weird with the bullet points and it was just plain too long...
Anyways, I was looking for a copy of my testimony on my harddrive just now and I found this list of funny things people do when they are praying (I can't recall where I first found it) and thought it'd be fun to share. Can anyone think of anything additional to add to this list? And seriously, I hope no one stops praying because of this - it's simply that sometimes I wonderhow irritated I would be if someone started talking to me like this: "Lee, you know Lee, I just, Lee, I want to ask you that you might do such and such, Lee, so that, um, Lee."
How NOT to Pray (Part 1/2)
ex.: Lord, we JUST pray that you would JUST like, JUST really JUST totally..."
2. THE GOSSIP: "Lord, please forgive Pam [not present] for her sexual lust towards George [who is present]."
3. THE THEOLOGIAN: Here the person feels led to lecture God on various--usually obvious--points of theology, as if God needed reminding. While the words of such prayers can be valid enough if said in a spirit of praise, THE THEOLOGIAN gives you the distinct impression that he/she is praying to ideas rather than God; or perhaps trying to impress the rest of us.
ex.: "Lord, you are God. You are the Triune, Immutable, Omniscient, Revelatory, the First Principle. You even know what I am going to pray next!... [etc. etc. etc.]"
4. THE OPPORTUNIST: For someone who would never get a word in edgewise in a normal conversation--because what they want to say is inherently boring or unedifying--prayer can be an opportunity to "seize the floor" and speechify at great length without fear of rebuttal or interruption unless something really awful is said; and perhaps not even then, as social convention says it is very rude to interrupt while someone is praying.
ex.: "Lord, I just want to pray for my little bunny. I know nobody here thinks it important, but I just love my bunny because it... [on and on and on]."
5. THE LECTURER: Similar to THE OPPORTUNIST, but here the motive is to harangue someone else--or the group--by sermonizing in general. Also known as THE SERMON PRAYER:
ex.: "O God, forgive those among us who do not understand the need to... [fill in the blanks]."
ex.: "Lord, forgive the congregation for their continued failure to tithe. For 'The tithe is the Lord's', and 'Test me in this' saith the Lord... [and on and on]"
6. CALLING DOWN FIRE: To rant or vituperate in a prayer. Basically, to ask God to send down a lightning bolt of judgment. (Often aimed at ungodly politicians.) Such prayers seem to beg for the response: "You do not know what Spirit you are of". (Lk 9:55, Mt 5:11-12)
ex.: "Lord, that lady who gestured rudely to me in my car today, I pray that you would slap her silly with your scorching judgment. Teach her not to treat your children that way, with a scathing rebuke from on high. Amen."
Ok, I had to edit this post because IE was doing something weird with the bullet points and it was just plain too long...
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